Warning: this isn’t going to be a cheerful look back on 2014. I’ve struggled with a general malaise that has affected almost everything I’ve done. There is a good reason for this but I am hoping that I can start to get my life back together.
I’ve broken promises that I’ve made in good faith, and this bothers me more than anything else. If I’ve said I’d do something for you and haven’t in the passed year, or have behaved badly towards you I can only apologise. I will try to make 2015 the year I put things right.
For the last 13 months it has taken an effort of will to get enthusiastic about anything. Walking out of the front door of my flat has been a chore. Nights out, music festivals, and concerts have been just another thing I have to do even if I end up enjoy them. Practicing violin, something I used to do almost every day, has been something I’ve had to force myself to do even though I finding it relaxing. At work, especially at the start of the year, I have been brusque and uncivil at times.
I miss my Dad but he wouldn’t want me to behave like this. That should be all the motivation I need to fix things.
Work has been hectic, frustrating, and rewarding. It can be hard to accept that you can’t help everyone, and in fact sometimes the best way to improve accessibility at a large organisation is to step back a bit. It’s better to provide guidance than to take over, although it’s very tempting to dive in and do everything for people (especially when they are more than happy for you to do so) instead of providing support but ultimately giving them responsibility.
In August Henny Swan left the BBC, a huge loss to our team both professionally and personally. We’ve since been joined by Jamie Knight, who is doing a great job kicking off a major piece of work that we hope will change the way we handle web accessibility at the BBC.
Next year should see an increase in work on a project that I am very excited about, and that I will hopefully be able to talk about (and perhaps even show something) at CSUN 2015.
I started the year at my lowest weight for about 10 years. I’ve ended it at somewhere close to my highest ever. For the first time I’ve felt the effects of my obesity, nothing serious yet, but a general lack of wellbeing.
I’m at a stage when I need to lose weight, I need to get fitter, when before it had always been just a good idea. As this is a problem that is more psychological than physical it’s hard to know how to change things for the better.
I’d like to ask anyone who cares and is willing to call me out on my over eating and under exercising over the next year if they see things going in the wrong direction. I won’t be offended, I won’t be upset. You’ll be doing me a favour.
These annual posts are primarily for my benefit, with a readership of between zero and few, but I feel the need to make a record on the first day of each year.
Regardless of how this last year has been, I am lucky to have a loving family, friends who care about me, and as much security in work and shelter as any of us do.
I’m not a believer in New Year Resolutions, but today is as good a day as any to start making my life a better one. Hopefully next years post will be a more positive one.